Life Altering Repercussions
by Aneeta Potter
Summary: After Tony is kidnapped, tortured and held captive for three months by Saleem's brother, his life will never be the same. To cope with his ordeal and the resulting flashbacks, Tony makes a list of things he needs to do when after he escapes. As a damaged Tony deals with his past and future, he gets closer to Ziva and thinks more about what he wants in life. TIVA! Please review.
1. Taken

******Just a disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or any related characters... sorry. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this. **

Taken

Tony yawned as he parked his car outside his apartment – it had been a long week and he had had very little sleep. The team had been investigating a kidnapping; a marine's wife had been taken and a ransom note delivered. It turned out the marine's father was a millionaire and the kidnappers had thought he would pay up for his son. But the father had severed contact as soon as the marine had joined the military, years ago. The parallels between their relationship and Tony's own with his father had put an additional strain on the case. It meant that even after they found the woman unharmed and took down the kidnappers Tony hadn't been able to relax. Then they had dived straight into a terrorism case that was still unresolved, under the strict eye of Director Vance. But Gibbs had told them to go home and rest for the night and for part of tomorrow, probably aware of how tense Tony was feeling.

Tony sat in his parked car for a moment, thinking. He was exhausted both physically and emotionally, and needed to unwind. All he wanted was a nice hot shower and a pizza. Maybe a movie too – the perfect way to escape the trials of the day. Or maybe he would just sleep. But something was stopping him. He felt uneasy for some reason. After a few seconds he put it down to paranoia, and got out of the car. It bleeped as he locked it, the sound filling the silent street. The quiet unnerved Tony further, even though his area was always this deserted when it was this late. His senses were on maximum alert now.

Suddenly Tony had the strangest feeling that someone was watching him. Breathing heavily, he turned around quickly. A figure shrouded in shadow stood there. He reached for his gun but before he could get to it the figure stepped forward into the light cast from a street lamp. It was just a teenage girl. Tony consciously tried to lower his breathing so not to frighten her, she was so unintimidating. He didn't know whether he wanted to laugh or cry; he had been so on edge lately.

"Hi." He said to the teenager – he recognised her from his apartment block. "It's Katie, isn't it?" Thank God he remembered her name; he had lived next to her for a while. He supposed their lack of contact showed how little he was at home.

"Yeah. And you're Tony. You live next door." She replied with a slight smile.

"What are you doing out this late? Do your parents know where you are?"

"My parents are out at a party. I locked myself out by accident. I was just trying to call them, but my cell is out of credit…"

Tony sighed. "You want to borrow my cell."

"Yes please." Katie smiled as though she was surprised by the offer.

Tony reached for his cell and couldn't find it. Then he remembered; it had gotten broken during the raid on the warehouse where they had found the kidnap victim. He turned to Katie. "I'm sorry, I broke my cell and I haven't replaced it. You can use my landline if you want?" Usually he wouldn't have asked but he didn't want a fifteen year old standing around outside this late.

"Yes please." She accepted his offer quickly. When she saw that he looked a little concerned at how willing she was to come into his apartment as a virtual stranger, she rolled her eyes. "I know you're a fed. I don't just walk into random people's houses."

As they walked up to their building, Tony filled the silence. "How did you know I'm a federal agent?"

"My mom told me. And I saw your badge – NICS or something."

"NCIS." Tony corrected automatically.

"What's that stand for?"

"Navy Criminal Investigative Service." Tony smiled slightly – no one had ever heard of them.

They walked up the stairs to Tony's apartment. Tony was surprised to find himself relaxing – Katie had a calming influence that probably extended from her lack of world weariness. Kids were like that; naïve.

Tony carefully unlocked his door and flicked the lights on – his apartment was pretty tidy and smelt a little stale; he hadn't been back for a while.

"Nice place." Katie said, probably just to be polite.

"The phone's over there." Tony told her, pointing to it.

"Thanks." She walked over to it and dialled the number. "Hey mom. I locked myself out." She sighed as her mother responded – probably a lecture about why she was out so late. "I was just at Amanda's for some homework. Anyway I'm at Tony's next door and I need the keys quickly so I can get out of his hair." Katie sighed again. "Fine mom." She looked at Tony and muttered "She wants to speak to you." She passed him the phone and went to sit behind Tony, on the couch.

Tony took the phone. "Hello."

"Hi . I am so sorry about Katie – I'll be right over with the keys. Will you just watch her while I drive round? I'm about fifteen minutes away."

"It's Tony, please. And that's absolutely fine." Tony said with a smile. To be honest he way enjoying Katie's mindless chatter. "I'll see you then." He hung up the phone.

Then he tensed. There was a strange sound behind him – like someone being restrained. He reached for his gun and whipped around, pointing it at the unseen threat.

Katie was still on the couch. A man was holding his hand over her mouth. Two other men were also present. One of them had a gun pointed at Tony; the other had a gun pointed at Katie. Tony forced himself to remain calm – he kept his gun on the man threatening Katie.

"Special Agent Dinozzo. We meet again." Then man who had been gagging Katie took away his hand and stepped forward. He looked vaguely familiar, but Tony just couldn't place him.

"I'm would say I'm sorry that I don't know you, but I doubt that's true." Tony said, looking at him intensely.

"You would not remember our meeting. You were unconscious at the time. But I watched some of your interrogations, so I have seen you in action."

"Oh. And who was I interrogating?" Tony said distractedly – he was focused on Katie, who was looking shocked but not hysterical. She appeared to be listening intently. Not wanting to draw attention to her, he carried on the conversation.

"You were the one being interrogated Dinozzo." The man laughed as though this were obvious. Then he looked down at Tony coldly. "My name is Omar, but you probably remember my brother, Saleem, a little better."

Tony realised why the man was familiar – he shared some of the features of Saleem Ulman. The guy had a sibling? "Saleem from Somalia? Great guy. Definitely in my top ten favourite terrorists; probably top five actually." Tony wondered how he should play the situation. He was outgunned, three to one. Even worse they had Katie – his first priority was to protect her as a civilian. He realised that there was no way he would make it out of this, but he could at least get her out. She was only fifteen.

Saleem's brother smirked. "The girl was rather unplanned, but somewhat beneficial. I have a feeling you would be less restrained if it was just us."

"What was the plan? If you wanted to kill me I'd already be dead."

"Very smart, Dinozzo." Omar pulled out a roll of duct tape from his pocket, along with a needle. "You will be very useful to us alive. You have information we require and I will take great pleasure in extracting it from you. I chose you in particular so that I could avenge my brother's death – you may not have shot him yourself but it was your fault."

"So we have a bit of an ultimatum here." Tony said, his face serious. "If I shoot, I could take one or two of you with me. Maybe even three, if I'm lucky. Either way you won't get me alive."

"But then you lose the girl." Omar's face was hard.

"Let her go, and you can take me. Nobody needs to get hurt." Tony tried to sound reassuring for Katie's benefit.

"We have no interest in her – just an unlucky chance meeting. And I am not an evil man – I do not embrace the killing of children." Omar nodded and the man pointing his gun at Katie moved it across to Tony. "Put your gun on the floor and slide it across to me and we can leave with what we came for. I give my word that she will not be harmed. If you do not, I will shoot her and take my chances with you."

Tony realised he had no choice – there was no trace of a bluff in Omar's eyes. Katie gave a frightened squeak as Tony bent down and slid his gun towards Omar, and placed his hands on his head. Immediately one of the men rushed forwards and punched him in the stomach hard, before clubbing him across the head with the butt of his gun. Tony saw black spots but was still conscious – until Omar stepped forwards and plunged the needle into his neck, emptying its contents into his bloodstream. The last thing Tony saw was Katie sobbing on the couch.

**Thanks for reading. I will try to update quickly and regularly. Please leave a review saying what you think :) **


	2. Rescued

Rescued

Omar Ulman was a cruel man – it was something Tony had known for sure since the first day of his captivity. So when Tony buried Omar's own knife, already wet with Tony's blood, into the man's neck he did not feel guilty. But surprisingly there was no sense of achievement or pleasure in it, just a relief that Omar could never hurt him ever again.

He had been sleeping up against the back of the container wall where he had been kept prisoner for what seemed like years, trying to sleep on the hard ground when his back was screaming in pain. Then Omar had come in, holding the knife. This was hardly unusual, but Tony still shivered slightly as the man bent down and slid the blade lightly over his arm. It was something he could never get used to.

"Good morning to you too." Tony muttered, trying not to show Omar that he was in pain.

Just then there were shouts from outside. Omar stopped paying attention to Tony and stood up, walking slowly towards the container door; he was obviously unsure about what he should do and was wondering if there was a threat. Tony shut his eyes and tried to get back to sleep – he was exhausted and it was probably nothing. Then he heard the door open and a voice he hadn't heard in months. "Drop the knife."

Ziva David had often been in his dreams, and he wondered if he was hallucinating. After all, he'd seen Kate Todd attempt to rescue him at one point. But this seemed so real. Omar's knife clattered against the floor and bounced to within his reach. Interesting. Tony opened his eyes just as Omar lunged for his gun, surprising an obviously distracted Ziva. So Tony reached forward, grabbed the knife and threw it.

It was a kill shot, and Tony heard Omar go down. But his attention was not on the man, but on Ziva. He was sure she was real. She ran forwards to him, and bent down so that their eyes could meet.

Ziva could not believe that they had finally found Tony, after constant, sometimes frantic searching. She had missed Tony immensely; he had disappeared without any trace. They had chased up lead after lead after lead – each time losing more hope when it ended in a dead end. Ziva had known that the lead they had followed today was almost certainly the same, but she had still found herself praying that Tony was here, however unlikely it seemed.

A few minutes ago the smaller NCIS team had edged round the storage container, guns at the ready. They were at the docks; reminding Ziva of the absence of the missing Dinozzo even more. Not only had their current mission been yet another attempt at locating him, she had been struck by memories of the two of them trapped in the storage container.

At first when Tony had gone missing she had assumed he would be back in a few days – somehow Tony was always okay. But as the weeks had gone on she had started to wonder if he was even alive. The possibility that he was dead had scared Ziva more than she could have imagined; she had not only missed Tony's jokey side, but his serious side. He was always the one who made her feel better, even though she never realised it at the time. They had been through so much together, and she had never even said goodbye.

"Ziva." McGee had whispered her name and she had realised that she was losing focus. There had been the slightly muffled sound of voices and Gibbs had gestured towards the sound. The team had darted round, at the ready.

"NCIS, freeze!" Gibbs called. There had been three men standing outside the clump of storage containers. None of them had guns out. Before Ziva could process anything else a fourth man had stepped out from behind a container, brandishing a gun. With a start she had realized it was one of the men present when Tony had been taken – Katie had come in to NCIS to identify him, so she knew he was one of Tony's kidnappers. It was for this reason that when he went for his gun Ziva had been reluctant to shoot him; after all he probably knew where Tony was. But in the end she had no choice – he was going to shoot one of them and she couldn't bear to lose another team member. The man had gone down with three bullets in his chest.

They had cuffed the other three men and McGee had called for backup – they hadn't really expected to find anyone here so had come alone. They were only investigating this area because a camera had caught Omar Ulman on a road that could lead to the docks. These containers had been under false names and had no real company that owned them.

Ziva had walked over and pulled one of the container doors open. Inside there had been what looked like a bomb factory. This made sense – Omar's group sold bombs and arms for money. But she had been bitterly disappointed that Tony was not inside. She went over to the next container and yanked the door open. What she saw had both delighted and horrified her.

Tony was lying on the floor at the back of the container, one hand chained to the wall. He had appeared to be unconscious. Omar had stood in front of him, holding a bloody knife. Ziva had raised her gun and pointed it at him. "Drop the knife." He had obeyed, and then he had stepped forwards towards her. Ziva was distracted by Tony and his condition, so when there was a loud horn blast from a ship she moved the gun to the left, leaving Omar clear. He had, naturally, gone for his concealed gun. But before he could shoot Ziva the knife he had dropped buried itself in his neck. Ziva had stared; behind Omar Tony wasn't staring at the man he had just killed – he was focused on Ziva.

"Ziva." He, had whispered – probably not even realising he was speaking out loud. She rushed over to him.

"Gibbs!" she called out.

Tony was not in a good condition. He was filthy and thinner than she remembered, although not emaciated. His wrists were bruised and bloody, probably from being cuffed all the time. He was covered with cuts, some old and some fresh. There were also burns and bruises. But it was still Tony and he was alive, and Ziva couldn't help the tear that escaped. She was so relieved.

When Gibbs saw that Tony was alive he immediately called for an ambulance. Then he found the key on Omar's body and unlocked Tony's wrist.

"Thanks boss." Tony spoke very quietly – like he hadn't talked nicely for a while. "Where's McGee?"

"He's watching the prisoners, Dinozzo." Gibbs said quietly. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm just peachy… Can I get up now?" Tony didn't wait for a response – with surprising speed he shakily got up and limped over to the door. Gibbs and Ziva followed him outside. Despite all the blood and injuries Tony was beaming; he gazed at the sun and shut his eyes, feeling the wind across his face. "How long?" He asked quietly.

"Three months. You've had us worried." Gibbs informed him gently. Tony sighed, like it had seemed longer. He looked like he was about to collapse. Then the ambulance arrived. Ziva demanded that she accompany Tony to hospital, and nobody dared disagree.

As the ambulance drove off and more back up arrived McGee came over. He was disappointed that he hadn't seen Tony yet, but determined to do a good job at the crime scene before he went to visit him. "How is he?"

"It's difficult to tell – always is with Dinozzo." Gibbs answered.

The two of them went back into the storage container. The whole place stank of blood and rust and urine, and was baking hot. Near the front of the container, an uncomfortable looking chair was bolted to the floor. There was a lot of blood around it, most of it dried. At the back was the iron bar Tony had been chained too. By the looks of things, he had spent most of his time there. There was a half drunk bottle of water and a stinking bucket that McGee didn't want to get to close too. There was also more blood on the floor. He wondered how long Tony had spent here. Maybe a couple of weeks? He didn't want to imagine it had been longer than that, the conditions were so bad. The only other thing in the container was some boxes towards the side. McGee went over and looked inside. Their contents made his stomach churn.

"Boss…" McGee was relieved when Gibbs came over; he didn't want to deal with this alone. Inside were knives of different sizes, all with dried blood on. There was also some kind of battery with electrodes attached.

"Bag it." Gibbs said, trying to control his emotions.

"Do you think all the blood is Tony's?" McGee asked, sounding slightly sick. There was a lot of blood.

"I don't know Tim." Gibbs said with a sigh. McGee remembered Tony telling him Gibbs wasn't Gibbs when he was nice. He wished Tony were here now.

At the hospital, Tony was under sedation. Ducky and Palmer both arrived; both to see Tony and to help assess his condition for the rest of the team. It turned out that Tony had multiple burns, including electrical burns, a lot of small cuts and bruising. His ribs had been broken but had healed since then, showing how long he had been in captivity. He also had needle marks, suggesting he had been drugged repeatedly – although not recently, since no drugs were showing up in his blood work. Tony's Doctor was clear that he wasn't in a critical condition, and must have been receiving medical care during the three months he had been away. It was a relief to know that Tony was going to be okay, physically at least. In fact, knowing Tony, he would probably check himself out when he woke up in a couple of hours.

Ducky, Palmer and Ziva all sat in silence. They were all thinking about how Tony would be when he woke up. Tony had seemed almost normal when they had rescued him – perhaps a little quieter than usual. But it was impossible to tell exactly what had happened in the past few months. Where had he been?

After a few hours McGee and Gibbs also showed up.

"Where's Abby?" Ziva asked, her voice slightly hoarse. "It is unlike her to be absent."

"She's running forensics from the storage container." McGee explained. "She'll be here as soon as she's done – at the rate she was going probably soon."

The team lapsed back into a worried silence. Then Abby arrived. She looked incredibly excited and stressed all at the same time.

"I can't believe we found Tony!" She exclaimed, startling everyone. "I mean it's amazing because we know where he is, and I am so relived and excited to see him… plus I can finally tell him about all the things that I usually talk to him about. I mean, him being away has made me completely sick with worry – at least when he was on the Reagan I could talk to him and stuff." She slowed down. "Anyway, I'm running all the tests you wanted me to but I couldn't stay in my lab when Tony was here. I'll go back and check them later." She glared at everyone, but nobody challenged her. They all would have felt the same way.

After a few more minutes Tony's doctor came in. "He's awake." She said with a smile. "He wants to see you all – you shouldn't all go in at once though."

Gibbs went in first, alone. He wanted to make sure Tony was in a reasonable condition before the others saw him.

"Hey boss." Tony sounded a lot more like himself away from the container – louder and more full of life. Gibbs walked over and gave him a light head slap, because he didn't want to hurt him. "What was that for?" Tony said with mock indignation. In truth he had missed those slaps.

"For scaring us, Tony." Gibbs said with a sigh. "It was like Ziva being gone all over again. I need you to tell me what happened to you."

"Can we not do it now?" Tony said slowly and cautiously. "I'd really like to only go through it once, when I've got my thoughts straight. Plus I'd rather not do it from a hospital bed. I can come into NCIS tomorrow." He gave a trademark Dinozzo grin. "Can I see everyone now? I've missed you all like crazy."

So Gibbs let it slide, and beckoned in the flow of visitors after making it clear Tony didn't want to talk about what happened right now. Instead they talked about all the things that Tony had missed while he was away. Abby was particularly excited about a new band she thought he'd love.

"But I didn't go and see them because you weren't there, but now we can go together!" She said eagerly. Tony promised to get tickets. Palmer also caught up with his friend, saying how much he had missed him and their chats. Ducky gave a long rambling tale. McGee was more reserved, but it was clear how much he had missed his friend and soon they were teasing each other.

Ziva came last. They didn't say much, just looked at each other. Ziva held Tony's hand so tightly that her knuckles were white. It was clear that they were going to have a serious and long conversation in the not so distant future, but for now they were happy just to sit and know that they were not separated any longer. Ziva had been the person Tony had missed most; thinking of her had also kept him strong.

After a while they all left to let Tony get some sleep – he needed it. Gibbs left Tony a bag of clothes in the corner and a note saying what time he should come to the Navy Yard. He left it nice and late so Tony could have a lie in. Before leaving, Gibbs ruffled his Senior Agent's hair.

"Sleep well, Tony. We missed you."

**I hope you liked this chapter, sorry if not much was revealed. I'm going to reveal more about Tony's time away in later chapters, mostly through flashbacks. Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed, I really appreciated the feedback. Please leave a review saying what you think, so I know if I should keep this up. **


	3. Debrief

Debrief

When Tony got to NCIS the next day, he took the stairs. He had tried to take the elevator, but after glancing inside he knew that he just couldn't. He couldn't bring himself to spend any more of his life in a small metal box. He wasn't claustrophobic or anything, he just didn't want to. Even that small glance inside had started to trigger memories he was trying to block out. The stairs took a surprising amount of effort; he was going to have to rebuild his fitness levels.

Tony had checked himself out of the hospital in the late afternoon, after catching up on some much needed sleep. There was nothing seriously wrong with him, just a large catalogue of minor injuries. Omar had never wanted to kill him, and he had actually had some pretty decent medical care. He was sometimes given an IV and once he had even had a blood transfusion after Omar accidently went too far.

Tony had pulled on some clothes that Gibbs had brought him the previous day (having anticipated his desire to get out of hospital even before he had told him he would come to NCIS to debrief), and signed himself out of the hospital with great ease. The taxi ride to NCIS was incredibly enjoyable – he kept the window down and let the breeze ruffle his hair. He must have looked like he was appreciating it more than normal, because the driver gave him a strange look.

"Are you too hot? I can turn the air conditioning on if you shut the window?" The man asked, concerned.

"No, I'm fine. It's just the wind. I never really appreciated it before…" Tony had then smiled and gazed up at the sky. It was something he had seen more times than it was possible to count, but only now did he realise how beautiful and special it was. The driver had given him another weird look and looked away, but Tony didn't care.

When he finally reached the bullpen, Tony couldn't help but stand still and look for a while. It was exactly the same as he remembered, like nothing had changed. People were just carrying on with their jobs like he'd never been gone. He quietly snuck up the stairs to Vance's office, not wanting anyone he knew to see him. He just wanted to get things over with.

Both Gibbs and Vance were sitting in the Director's office. They both looked worried, making Tony think he must look damaged. There was bruising on his face, but most of it had already faded. All the damage was beneath his clothes, and a lot of it wasn't physical. He supposed that was what they were concerned about.

"Agent Dinozzo." Vance broke the short silence. "It's good to finally have you back. We've been running a full-fledged manhunt."

"Thank you Director." Tony replied, not wanting to give anything away before Vance. Oh well, he might as well get straight to the point. "I don't want to have to go through this with everyone separately. Would it be okay if we recorded–"

"We've already started recording." Vance cut in. "I know it's hard, but we need you to go through everything that happened while you were prisoner of Omar's group. We also need to know if you saw anything about where the bombs went after they made them – if you ever saw any clients. Plus where you were before the container might be important; it could be another of their camps." Vance continued, trying unsuccessfully to sound reassuring.

"I doubt that where I was beforehand was important." Tony said with a slight grin. "That was my apartment, and I don't think it's a bomb factory. Although I admit I haven't been back there in a while."

"You mean to say you didn't leave the storage container for the entire three months?" Gibbs said, trying to hide his shock.

"Nope. I didn't even know for sure that I was at the docks – although I guessed because of the noise. I woke up in that container, and I never left. They kept me on a pretty short leash – I wasn't allowed outside once. I was obviously not trustworthy enough."

"You make any escape attempts?" Vance asked.

"There wasn't any opportunity." Tony said with a frown. "I was chained to something for the entire time, and I didn't have a way to pick the lock. Plus they kept the container locked when I was alone. That probably shouldn't have bothered – I never even got to the door."

"So why did they need you?" Vance probed.

"What can I say? I get under people's skin. It's a talent of mine." Tony said in a jokey voice, but his tone quickly turned cold. "He did ask me questions about national security, but they were all pretty stupid. Stuff you could find out on the internet if you kept trying. I didn't know the answers to most of them. For the ones I did know I made up answers, usually involving movie references. Especially when I was drugged – they stopped trying because I was so irritating when I'd been given anything. Anyway, the questions were just an excuse for Omar to keep me captive. He told me so himself – it was a way to justify his little revenge plan. The man had a serious grudge issue."

"So what happened over the last three months?" Gibbs tried to be tactful.

"Same thing most days. Omar did not have an active imagination. God he was boring." Tony said lightly. He sighed when he saw the expressions on Gibbs and Vance's faces and realised that he was going to have to go into more detail. "Wake up due to rude and rather loud terrorists. Get dragged to chair and tied there, or just left where I was if they couldn't be bothered. Get asked questions by Omar, usually shouting for effect. Try to go back to sleep. Some form of physical pain. Medical treatment. Food and water. Sleep." He said flatly. "Is that enough for you? Or do you want me to go into all the gritty details of what it feels like to be chained up in a storage container and tortured continuously for three months?" Tony said sarcastically, voice raising gradually until by the end he was virtually shouting.

"Dinozzo." Gibbs said firmly, snapping Tony out of his anger.

"Sorry boss." Tony muttered.

"You have a coping mechanism while you were there?" Gibbs questioned.

"Yeah." Tony laughed. "It sounds kind of stupid now."

"Anything that can get you through something like that is definitely not stupid." Gibbs stated, encouraging him to continue.

"I made a list. Of all the things that I was going to do when I got free. You know, being a better person and all that. Anyway, I promised myself that I would do everything on the list when I was back home." Tony looked embarrassed at this confession.

"You write it down yet?" Gibbs queried.

"Uh – no." Tony looked slightly bemused. "I guess I should."

"Go do it. Your desk is free." Gibbs ordered.

"Okay." Tony agreed. "Oh you mean right now… of course that's what you meant, you never said anything different and I will go and do it. Bye boss."

After Tony left, Vance turned off the recorder and looked across at Gibbs.

"That's a hell of an ordeal. You think Dinozzo can make it through this?" Vance enquired, looking uncomfortable. He couldn't help but be impressed at how together Tony was.

"He's strong, Leon."

"He didn't go into much detail about his captivity, but I can hardly blame him. Three months in a storage container is something you probably don't want to remember. His Doctor said that he had multiple signs of torture – beatings, burnings and cuts. Who knows what else?"

"We found knives with Dinozzo's blood all over them at the crime scene. There was a lot of blood around on the floor too. Old cigarettes on the floor. A battery with electrodes attached. You get the general idea. It was a pretty brutal three months; he's gonna need support." Gibbs informed him.

"Is that why you got him to write down his list?" Vance said, eyebrows raised.

"If it's a way to get him to cope then he should tick things off it. Although I dread to know what's on Tony's list of things to do before he dies – we'll probably find out all too soon." Gibbs justified.

"We'd be naïve to think that this experience won't have life altering repercussions." Vance admitted. "Dinozzo might as well change his life on his own terms."

Down in the bullpen Tony was alone – McGee and Ziva were both at the crime scene. And he was the victim. How bizarre. Tony looked across at Ziva's desk. He shut his eyes and pictured her leaning back on her chair, teasing him like she always did. But when he opened them the desk was still empty.

Tony sighed and went back to writing. It took a while to remember all the points he had thought up, but soon the list was complete. Reading it back, Tony was shocked at all the things on it; things he was supposed to do. It was about six thirty when he finished, and Gibbs was still up with Vance. So Tony decided to get a cab back to his apartment – he hadn't been home for a long time and he was pretty hungry. And he didn't know how much longer he could keep control of his expression.

Tony had just reached the door of his apartment when the flashback hit.

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter – I'm gonna reveal more about Tony's captivity through flashbacks every so often. There will be Tiva later on, just not for a few chapters; Tony has more to deal with than just Ziva. I'll try to update quickly. Please leave a review saying what you thought of it, anyway. **


	4. Honest Conversations

__Honest Conversations

_He was back in the container. It was stiflingly hot and he was sweating. His wrist ached – it was rubbed raw beneath the chain and he hadn't swapped wrists in a while. The back of the container had an iron bar welded to the wall. It was to this bar that Tony was chained too – sometimes with a long chain so he had a little movement and could lie down, other times with handcuffs that held him up against the wall uncomfortably._

_At the front there was an area that Omar used for their 'interrogations'. Tony hadn't thought there could be a place he hated more than the back of the container, but he was wrong…_

"_Anthony. Can I call you Anthony?" Omar sounded smug when he talked. _

"_If you want to be creepy. But I guess that's the effect you're going for." Keep things light Dinozzo, don't let him get to you._

"_You are going to be my little project, Anthony." Why did he keep calling him Anthony? Weird. _

"_Definitely going for the creepy vibe…" Tony muttered, truthfully. _

_Then Omar started to slice the knife along his shoulder and the light remarks had to stop – he didn't think he could open his mouth without screaming. Tony tried to think through the pain; his mind finally settled on Ziva. He imagined her standing over him, grasping his hand in hers. She had got through things like this with Saleem, so could he. Suck it up, Dinozzo._

"_You are so in love with NCIS." Omar whispered. "Why not mark your appreciation…" When Tony looked down he realised that Omar had carved NCIS into his shoulder in curved letters. _

"Tony!" Tony was shocked out of his flashback by someone calling his name. He looked up and saw Katie standing there, outside her apartment. He quickly tried to control his breathing, not to panic. Luckily he had got very good at hiding pain over the last few months.

"Someone from NCIS called me and told me you were safe. I've been so worried." With horror Tony realised she was crying. "It was totally my fault that you got taken. I'm so sorry. If I hadn't…" She broke down sobbing. Tony went over and gave her a hug; it wasn't something he would normally do but this wasn't a normal situation.

"Hey, it's ok. You did nothing wrong." He shushed her and she started to calm down. "Abby told me that you came to NCIS and that you were the one who identified my kidnappers. If you hadn't been so brave they would never have found me." He let go of her as she stopped sobbing and gave her a minute to pull herself together.

"Where have you been for all this time? I thought you must be dead?" Katie finally asked. Tony didn't want to upset her with the truth, but he knew that she probably had a right to know. He was just debating what to tell her when Katie's mom stepped out behind Katie. Tony wondered what she thought of him – after all it was his fault that her daughter had been in danger. He supposed it must have been hard for her to accompany Katie to NCIS to relive the experience, and to have to cope with her emotional distress after the incident. But she didn't look angry. In fact she smiled at him.

"Would you like to come in Tony? It's pretty late and you've just got back. We have dinner ready and there's plenty to go around?" She said kindly. He wondered how he looked, standing there slightly lost outside his apartment. He didn't know what to say – his apartment was lonely and if there was one thing he hated at the moment it was being alone. He'd had enough of that over the past months. Plus it had been a long time since he'd had any decent food, and takeout didn't sound appetising for some reason.

"Please, I insist. It would be lovely to have you." Katie's mom said after seeing him pause.

"Thank you very much. It would be a pleasure." Tony said finally. God the kidnapping really had changed him. He would never have gone to dinner with the neighbours before it. But he wanted to put off going back to his apartment. Besides, he owed it to Katie, who was looking up at him hopefully. So the three of them went inside, Katie's mom telling him to call her Sarah. Inside, Katie's dad was taking an enormous lasagne out of the oven.

"Tony, this is Andrew." Sarah introduced.

"Hi Tony, it's good to meet you. We're just serving up."

"It smells great." Tony said truthfully. The four of them sat down at the dining table and waited while Sarah served the lasagne. Tony asked for a small portion – he hadn't exactly been starved at the container but he hadn't had any rich food either. It wouldn't do to throw up.

"How are you?" Sarah asked politely.

"I'm fine." Tony lied.

"You never answered my question." Katie was less held back. "Where have you been for all this time?" Both of her parents shot her warning glances, but Katie ignored them. She wanted to know.

Tony paused for a minute. Finally he settled on a vague "I was held captive by those people who you saw in my apartment."

"That's kind of obvious." Katie said, not backing down. "I mean, _where were you_?"

"Katie…" Sarah started, but Tony cut her off.

"It's ok. She deserves to know – it's hard to deal with ordeals like the one she went through if you have unanswered questions." He took a deep breath. "I was in a storage container down at the docks."

"What, for the whole three months?" Katie looked appalled.

"Yep. By the end of it I really wished they had an interior decorator." Tony said, trying to keep his voice light.

"Why did Omar want to put you in a storage container? Was it because of Saleem?" Katie asked, obviously remembering the conversation she had overheard. She sounded lost and confused – it was clear she needed to understand why the whole thing had happened. She wasn't the only one.

"Saleem was a terrorist who was holding my partner prisoner in Somalia after she was captured. I was one of a team who went to take him down and get her back. We weren't allowed to run a raid because there was no proof that Saleem's camp even existed. The plan was that McGee and I would get captured by Saleem so that a rescue could take place. While we were there Omar saw me, and after Saleem was killed and he escaped he was… angry at me. So when he and some of his friends decided to form a terrorist camp here in the states Omar grabbed me." Tony explained.

Katie seemed a little happier after the explanation, but still puzzled. "That doesn't explain why he would keep you in a storage container." She replied.

"Look Katie. Some people just aren't really… sane." Tony tried to be gentle. "Omar thought that I would be useful because I was a federal agent and have a lot of information, but mostly he just wanted to avenge his brother. So he kept me in a storage container because…it made him feel better, I guess."

"I'm not a kid." Katie muttered, looking younger than Tony had ever seen her. "Basically you're saying that he wanted to hurt you."

"Yeah." Tony said shortly.

"What happened to Omar?" Katie finally asked.

"I killed him." Tony said quietly. For a second he was back in the storage container, throwing the knife that ended Omar's life – feeling nothing but resignation when it sliced into Omar's neck. He looked up and saw that Katie was staring at him intently.

"Thank you." She said. "At least now I understand why all this…" She tailed off. "How do you cope with something like that?" She said after a pause. "How did you get through it?" Tony realised that she was probably still having flashbacks to the night when they were attacked, and she felt weak because of it. So he smiled and told her the truth.

"I made a list. Of all the things I was going to do if I got out." He tried to look reassuringly at Katie.

"I want to know that you're okay, and that I didn't ruin your life." Katie looked really close to tears again.

"Katie, I told you. None of this was your fault. It was mine. I should never have let you get caught up in any of this."

Sarah spoke up then, after sitting in complete silence for a while. "We don't blame you. From what Katie told us, you saved her life. Thank you so much. And I am truly sorry for the ordeal that you went through."

Tony looked at her, surprised. "Thank you." He was horrified when his voice cracked. He was finding it harder and harder to keep his guard up. He relaxed and laughed gently. "Now can we talk about something else please? But if you need to know anything else you can ask me. To be honest it's quite nice to get things off my chest?"

The rest of the meal passed enjoyably – it turned out that Andrew, Sarah and Katie watched a lot of films together and the four of them chatted about their favourites. It was nice for Tony just to have an ordinary conversation with some ordinary people – it also helped that the rest of Katie's family had the same calming presence that she did.

Tony was almost completely relaxed by the time they finished desert and he went to help Andrew bring coffee in from the kitchen. So when picked up the hot coffee he was so shocked by a flashback that he spilt it over his arm.

_Omar was standing in front of him, smoking a cigarette. Without saying anything Omar pressed the burning end into Tony's flesh, twisting it. Tony bit down, hard, trying not to make a sound. The result was a slight choking noise, causing Omar to laugh. Then Omar casually took out another cigarette and lit it with a lighter from his pocket. Then he smiled grimly and lifted the flame towards Tony's arm…_

Tony was pulled out of his short flashback by Andrew, who had said his name. He put down the coffee mug and looked down at his arm – the coffee was burning it after soaking into his shirt but he hardly registered the pain.

"Take it off and run it under cold water." Andrew said quickly. Realising Tony's hesitation he added "I'll keep everyone out of the kitchen and I can lend you one of my shirts." He went out to go and get it. Tony peeled off his shirt reluctantly and put his arm under the tap. Looking down at his chest and arms all he could see was scars and marks. Some of the cuts were fresher and had barely scabbed over. He knew that they would fade but they would never disappear completely. He would always have a reminder. Tony shuddered and turned off the tap, before sitting down hard against the floor. He tried to control his breathing as memories threatened to overwhelm him.

At that moment Andrew came back into the kitchen, holding the promised shirt. He looked down at Tony, who was sitting on the kitchen floor with his eyes shut. Andrew shut the door quietly behind him and sat down next to Tony. He sighed. Tony looked over at him, finally alerted to his presence. Then he laughed quietly. "I must look like a real mess."

"No." Andrew couldn't help but stare at the scars. "You must have had one hell of a list. Ticked off any of the points yet?"

"No. I should – I promised myself I would."

"You think it will help?" Andrew asked. Then he paused. "I'm sorry to get in your business – it's clear that you've been through a lot and you probably don't want to talk about it. And I'm sorry about all Katie's questions earlier."

"No, it's surprisingly good to talk about things with people I don't know so well. I don't want everyone to treat me like I'm going to snap at any moment if they ask too many questions." Tony said with a slight smile. "And I do think it will help. In fact I even wrote my list down so I could tick things off." Then he pulled the fresh shirt on. "I'll get this back to you after I get it washed. Thanks for lending it to me. Sorry about all this."

"It's fine." Andrew assured him. The two of them stood up. They went out and Tony said goodbye to the family, promising to have them over to dinner some time and thanking them for a wonderful evening. Then he walked slowly back to his apartment, the list in his pocket with new importance. At home he curled up on a blanket on the floor and slept soundly for the first time in three months.

**Sorry about the lack of the team in this chapter - I just thought that Tony would go off on his own at first to try to deal with things. The next chapter is going to be a bit lighter. I'm going to keep adding more flashbacks to later chapters too. Please leave a review :D**


	5. Lifelong Ambitions

Lifelong Ambitions

"Why did you leave last night Dinozzo? I was going to take you back to my place?" Gibbs questioned, without looking up, as Tony walked in to the bullpen. "I didn't think that you would want to be alone." He was irritated at the younger man; Tony had a habit of denying and avoiding his problems and he didn't want him to have to go through things alone.

Thwack! Tony's hand smacked against the back of Gibbs head. He had completely surprised Gibbs, who turned around and stared as Tony walked away and towards his desk without commenting on the alarming turn of events. Gibbs didn't know whether he should laugh or shout. In the end he restrained the much stronger urge to yell as he watched Tony take a list out of his pocket and tick something off it – he figured Tony deserved a break. Still, Gibbs dreaded to know what else was on the list.

McGee and Ziva were both looking at Tony in both awe and what might have been admiration. Ziva seemed thoughtful. McGee kept glancing at the boss, as though waiting for him to explode.

"Stop staring McGee." Gibbs snapped, glad he could vent a little. "Get back to work."

Tony had barely sat down for five minutes when he got back up again, pushing the list he had been examining back in his pocket.

"I'm going to see Director Vance." It was all Tony said by way of explanation, but nobody demanded further details.

Before Tony left he placed a large bottle of expensive looking bourbon on Gibbs desk, causing Gibbs to stare even more as Tony walked up towards Director Vance's office cheerfully.

Tony didn't knock. He walked straight into Vance's office. He smiled at the slightly shocked man, who, like Gibbs, didn't quite know what to make of things but had decided to give Dinozzo a well-earned benefit of the doubt.

"I have a gift for you." Tony said with a grin. Then he sobered up. "And I have to tell you something. I'm grateful that you sent me to the USS Reagan; I know that I needed it. I'm sorry about Jenny – not because it was my fault but because I could have stopped it if I hadn't been so scared of getting caught up in her mess again." Then, without waiting for Vance to answer he plonked down a small wrapped gift on the desk. "I'm grateful you let the team work on my disappearance nonstop – if not I'd probably be dead. Or even worse alive and still captured. Thank you, Director."

Vance unwrapped the gift as Tony left. Inside was a large box of toothpicks. He took one out and chewed on it, muttering "I'll be damned."

Tony went round checking off things from his list for the rest of the day, leaving most people speechless. He told Ducky that he loved his stories, but he thought some of them were made up. Then he presented him with a new bowtie. He snuck up on Abby and gave her a hug, before gifting her a pile of CD's. He gave McGee a list of girl's numbers to call – although he didn't tell him where he got them from.

"You're a good agent, Tim. But you really need a girlfriend." Tony had said, leaving McGee bemused. When Tony had gone McGee, confused, had asked Gibbs what was going on with Tony. Not only was he giving everyone gifts and being really nice, there was a large pile of curious white boxes on his desk.

"Lifelong ambitions, McGee." Gibbs said with a small smile. "Better than any damn shrink."

At that moment Tony stood up on a desk.

"Can I have your attention, please?" He announced to the whole floor. "I bought everyone a doughnut – it sounds kind of stupid, but I was in a strange state of mind when I thought of it. For some reason, buying navy cops doughnuts was hilarious at the time. In fact it made me laugh for about ten minutes. So if you want one, they're all on my desk, in boxes. Have a nice day."

Over the next half hour almost everyone came to grab a doughnut. Most people knew and liked Tony, and were grateful for the highlight of the day. Even Vance came down and took one, giving Gibbs a meaningful look as he passed.

But Dinozzo himself was nowhere to be seen.

After a long while Gibbs finally got worried. He hadn't called Tony because he didn't want to seem possessive, but now he decided it would set his mind at ease. After all it was late, and Tony should have been back at his apartment. Or staying over at his house like Gibbs wanted.

"Hey boss." Tony shouted after picking up. There was loud music in the background and Gibbs could barely make out the words.

"Where are you Dinozzo?"

"I took Palmer out for some drinks." Tony yelled back. "If you want to know where we are ask McGeek to trace the phone… in fact, get him to come and join us. He doesn't party enough either."

Gibbs had done as suggested and asked McGee to trace the phone. Then he also told McGee to meet up with Palmer and Tony.

"Are you sure about that boss?" McGee had asked, looking perplexed. Gibbs had given him a look, which caused him to immediately rush off. The truth was Tony was in a vulnerable position at the moment. And Gibbs wanted a decent agent to watch his back when possible; to be there if he needed support. Plus McGee needed some quality time with Tony. They all did. Dinozzo had been missed.

At the club Tony was pretty drunk. So was Palmer. They were both having a fairly serious conversation, considering their state.

"So how much of the list have you checked off?" Palmer slurred. "I'm guessing getting me drunk has been achieved…"

"Just the easy ones." Tony responded, also slurred, but significantly less. If there was one thing he knew it was how to handle his drinks.

"How is Gibbs slapping Gibbs himself easy?" Palmer looked outraged.

"Easier than other things. I still haven't completed the one about Ziva. I'm too scared I guess." Tony admitted.

"Ziva only has one point?" Palmer looked confused.

"It's a really broad one." Tony elaborated. "It covers a lot."

"Just go for it Tony. Whatever it is. You promised yourself. Now I need another drink."

When McGee arrived he was slightly aghast at the pair, who looked like they were about to pass out. Palmer was giggling.

"Guys! We're not in college anymore." McGee moaned.

"You never got this drunk in college McGeek." Tony pointed out.

"I'm taking you home." McGee said slightly crossly. "You're supposed to be resting, Tony!"

"Fine. I'm pretty tired anyway." Tony confessed.

McGee drove them all home, dropping Palmer off first because he looked most likely to vomit. Tony was already starting to sober up by the time they got back to his apartment, but he was still having problems staying completely upright. McGee helped him up the stairs – feeling self-conscious because it was so early and Tony was so drunk.

"Who gets this drunk at like, ten o clock Tony?" McGee moaned. "Everyone's going to think I've drugged you or something…"

_The needle sunk into his arm. Almost as soon as it was pulled out he started to feel the effects. He felt sick and nauseous, the world bobbing up and down like they were on a boat. _

"_Can you explain who would take jurisdiction over a case I have here, Agent Dinozzo?" It wasn't Omar talking, it was some other guy… what on Earth did he want? He was talking about some complex case to do with bombs now, but Tony couldn't bring himself to listen. _

"_Agent Dinozzo. Who would take jurisdiction?" The guy's voice sounded muffled and distant. "What the hell did you give him? He's completely out of it!"_

"_You have a strange voice…" Tony tried to pull himself back into the conversation, but even talking took effort. "You know this kind of reminds me of trainspotting…" _

"_Hit him. Maybe that will grab his attention." The man's fist smacked Tony on the side of his head, and he could feel blood pouring down. But there was no pain yet. Strange… _

"Tony? Are you okay?" Tony was yanked out of his flashback my McGee, who was gently shaking him.

"I'm fine Tim." Tony paused for a second before speaking to make sure that his voice was controlled.

"You were saying something about trainspotting…" McGee told him, looking worried.

"It's a film, McGee. Now can I go to bed?" Tony didn't want Tim to know what he had remembered. He didn't want it to seem like Omar had affected him. Was still affecting him.

"Fine. Good night." McGee said, walking back down the stairs towards his car.

Tony was so shattered that he fell asleep on the floor as soon as he got back into his apartment.

**I know this chapter was a bit light and a bit short, sorry. Next chapter I'm going to bring Ziva in. I would really appreciate it if you left a quick review saying what you thought of this chapter. **


	6. Opening Up

Opening Up

"You snore Tony." Ziva murmured in Tony's ear. He jumped up, awoken suddenly. It was mid-morning and sunlight had streamed in through the windows. Ziva was crouched over him. She did not ask why he was sleeping on the floor instead of on his bed; she didn't need to.

"Hangover?" Ziva questioned teasingly.

"I've had worse." Tony replied with a grin. He didn't bother to ask how she had got in; he probably didn't want to know. She put on a more serious face as he rolled up off the floor, so he gave her a meaningful look. "What's up Ziva?"

"I wanted to talk to you about... dealing with things. I know that coping with life after something like this can be… difficult." Ziva selected her words carefully.

"Can I call my father first?" Tony asked, obviously trying to put things off. "It's one of the things on my list."

"Oh yes; your list. My favourite point was the one with the doughnuts." Ziva responded with a smile. "So is there anything on the list to do with me?" She added, sounding interested.

"Of course there is." Tony said playfully as he walked over to the phone. "I just haven't checked it off yet."

Tony dialled and after a few rings heard his father pick up. He didn't wait for the man to speak before him. "Hi Dad. It's Tony."

"Junior. Gibbs called and told me that they had found you. I'm going to take a plane to DC, just as soon as I close a deal." Dinozzo Senior replied. He sounded busy.

"Yeah, whatever." Tony didn't have time for excuses any more. "I just wanted to call you. I know that we haven't had the best relationship, especially after mom died."

"Junior-"His father started, but Tony interrupted.

"Please, just let me finish. I know we haven't had a good relationship, but I want to improve it. When you get to DC, I'll take you out for dinner and we can talk." Tony hung up before his father could respond.

"Okay, now _we_ can talk." Tony told Ziva, who had been listening intently to his phone conversation. "What do you want to talk about?"

"I just want you to open up." Ziva said softly. "We have been through similar situations."

There was a long pause, while Tony thought about what to say. It was easy to talk to Ziva, and he did want to get some things off his chest.

"The hardest thing is how everything is exactly the same as before. Nobody else has changed. But I have, so much. How do you just go back to how things were before?" He eventually settled on.

"You don't. Things are never the same. After Somalia I was a different person Tony. I know you noticed that. Captivity gives you a different perspective on life." Ziva pointed out. Then she let Tony continue – he needed to vent.

"It's like – I went for pizza last night, to my regular place. The guy was really pleased to see me, it had been so long and I guess he thought I'd found another place. He asked me if I'd been on a vacation, then gave me the usual. It's like nothing happened. But all I can think about almost all the time is Omar and what he did to me. It makes me feel so weak." Tony finished, looking ashamed.

"No. Dealing with it makes you strong, Tony. You are not simply covering up the problem – you are coping with it. In fact you are coping much better than I did." Ziva said quickly, trying to comfort him.

"Does it get easier?" Tony sounded more vulnerable than Ziva had ever heard.

"Yes. To an extent. But you will probably always carry it with you." She tried to be truthful but sensitive.

"Thanks for being honest, Ziva." Tony gave a weak smile.

"I am always honest." Ziva looked slightly offended. "Okay, mostly." She corrected after a speculative look from Tony. He laughed.

"Do you want breakfast? That was kind of a heavy conversation to have on an empty stomach…" Tony tailed off.

"I brought pastries. I know you so well – and your stomach is always a high priority." Ziva revealed.

Tony laughed again. After the two of them ate, Tony got changed into his sweats.

"I have to go for a run. My fitness sucks thanks to Omar." He explained.

"I will come with you." Ziva had also brought her jogging clothes – she had anticipated that Tony would want to start rebuilding his strength and would rather he didn't do it alone.

"Just don't leave me behind ninja chick." Tony said lightly, but Ziva knew he was serious.

"Never."

The two of them set off, jogging very slowly. Tony pushed himself during the run – he wanted to be fit again.

"What was the worst thing for you when you were, you know, kept prisoner?" Tony asked uneasily about halfway through the jog.

"The hopelessness of my situation." Ziva said slowly. "What about you?"

"The isolation. Sometimes I would go for days or maybe even weeks without seeing anyone." Tony shut his eyes as he thought back to the loneliness. "I guess I like attention a little too much." He laughed uncomfortably.

Ziva knew that Tony hated feeling neglected – he had to know he felt wanted all the time. She couldn't imagine how hard it had been for him, cut off from affection for months. Instinctively she ran up beside him and grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly for a second before dropping it. They both ran on, neither of them acting like anything had happened. But Tony could feel a bright warmth spreading through his chest.

As they walked along the corridor to Tony's apartment, Ziva gave him some water. Thirsty, Tony took a long sip. It was cold. Cold, icy water…

_Tony woke up with a start, freezing. After a moment of disorientation he realised that Omar had dumped chilling water all over him. He couldn't deny that he was enjoying being cool – the container was always stiflingly hot. He tried not to let his expression betray him; an easy job for one so practiced._

"_I'm reminded of boarding school right now." Tony said, rolling his eyes. He looked up to see that Omar was with two other men, neither of whom he recognised. _

"_You brought friends? Nice to meet you guys. I'm Tony and you are…"The men didn't respond. One of them unlocked the cuff around his wrist and, with the help of the other, dragged Tony over to the chair and tied him to it tightly. _

_Tony was revolted when one of them took his shirt off and started sticking what looked like electrodes to his chest. He tried to keep himself calm. After all, there was nothing he could do and panicking would just display weakness. He knew he could never show weakness – once they broke him he would be disposable. You're going to be rescued Anthony, just hold on. _

"_This is reminding me of that scene in 'Slumdog Millionaire'. An excellent movie; beautifully shot. Directed by Danny Boyle. Have you seen it?" Tony was proud when his voice didn't shake at all. No weakness. _

_The two thugs ignored him._

"_I guess not. You could rent it." Tony looked up at them in mock friendliness. _

_One of the men finally spoke to him, but the subject was not something he wanted to talk about. "What was the action plan for a bomb threat on the USS Reagan?"_

"_That was a long time ago. My memory's not great…"Tony started, but the men looked like this was the answer they had expected and didn't even wait for him to finish. Tony screamed as electricity coursed through his body. It was unlike anything he had ever experienced before. When the pain stopped he ached all over – his wrists and ankles burned from where he had strained against his bonds. _

"_I will ask again. What was the action plan on the USS Reagan?"_

_Tony took a deep breath to steady his voice. "I told you. I don't remember. I'm just not that smart I guess." _

_Tony was grateful when he passed out about forty minutes later. 'Dinozzos do not pass out' was fast becoming a redundant phrase. _

"What were you remembering?" Ziva shook him out of the flashback.

"Just being soaked with icy water and then being electrocuted repeatedly." Tony was alarmed to find himself sitting on the floor, tears pricking at his eyes. "Oh God. I'm sorry Ziva."He couldn't believe he had just told Ziva the truth – he had been shocked by her direct questioning immediately after the disorientation of the flashback.

"It's okay Tony." Ziva sat down next to him and gripped his hand. "It can be helpful to talk about it. After Somalia I learnt that keeping things in all the time is pointless."

"You know, I thought about you a lot while I was…away." Tony finally managed to say.

"What did you think about me?" Ziva asked with a small smile.

"At one point I imagined you using your ninja skills to kill everyone in the container with a paperclip." Tony admitted. Ziva laughed. Tony started laughing as well. It turned slightly hysterical; neither of them could stop. They just sat there, out in a corridor, laughing until their sides hurt. Laughing at the absurdity and horror of the whole situation.

**I hoped you liked this chapter. Please take a second to leave a quick review :)**


	7. Senior

Senior

After just a week, Tony came back to work. The team were still working on Omar's group, trying to trace all the bombs that they had made. Tony was able to identify a large number of clients, because a lot of them had come in to interrogate him at one point. The people they had arrested at the container were also helpful – they were willing to make deals and reveal who they had sold to. The team had a fairly definitive list; they gave the names to the FBI to deal with. It was a little frustrating for Tony, but Gibbs didn't want him to meet any of his abusers. Plus it would have been almost impossible to claim jurisdiction over such a broad threat to national security – a single team would be unable to cope with the volume. It seemed that Omar and his group had sold bombs and ammunition to a very large number of potential terrorists, and had also let them interrogate Tony in exchange for more cash. In a way this was fortunate because there were still a few unidentified clients who the members of the group couldn't identify (they had been the careful ones who hadn't provided names), but Tony had seen almost all of them and had wisely committed their faces to memory. Tony had described their appearances to Abby, and they were hoping that they would find people suspected of terrorism matching the descriptions he had given. Gibbs dreaded the day that they did, because Tony would have to check that they had the right guy face to face. He couldn't imagine Tony's reaction to something like that.

In some ways, things were the same as they were before; Tony still had the same jokey attitude and movie references. He still pulled pranks and played games when he thought Gibbs wasn't looking. He still managed to get all his work done regardless. But there were distinct changes. For one thing he was a lot nicer to everybody. He was still ticking things off his list, and occasionally he would pull slightly crazy stunts such as climbing the tree outside his apartment. He was also still suffering from flashbacks, although they had now become far more infrequent. In fact, most of the changes in Dinozzo were difficult to detect, but still noticeable. He avoided all elevators. He disliked being alone. He sometimes had a distant look in his eyes that meant he was somewhere darker.

Talking to Ziva helped. They had got far closer than ever before; every morning they would jog together (Tony was already fairly fit from all the training) before having breakfast. During that time Tony would talk about his experiences with Omar with an honesty he reserved for no one else; Ziva would return the favour by comparing his experiences with her time in Somalia.

Thanks to Tony's new found hatred of being by himself, Ziva would often spend her evenings with him. When she wasn't around, Tony would go out with Abby, McGee or Palmer. Sometimes he would go and spend time in Gibb's basement; the two of them could also talk with a fair amount of honesty. But Tony was still reserved with his boss; he couldn't help but be ashamed of what had happened to him, and felt that whining about his experiences showed he was a weaker person. Tony also went for dinner with the neighbours – one of the points on his list had been to make some more non-work friends, and he enjoyed spending time with Katie and her family. They had a unique perspective on his experiences after dealing with Katie's stress. Plus it was nice to get away from work once in a while.

About two and a half weeks after Tony had got back, there was a knock on his door. It was a Saturday evening and Ziva was round – they were just about to order takeout and watch a movie. But plans were changed when Tony opened the door.

"Dad?" Tony looked bemused at his father's appearance. "What are you doing here?"

"You said we could go out for dinner when I got to DC. And you haven't been returning my calls. So I decided to come and take you to a very nice restaurant on the roof of a wonderful new hotel I'm staying at." Senior explained, looking slightly uncomfortable. Ziva came up behind Tony and smiled.

"You go, Tony. I need to go home and catch up on some work anyway." Then she surprised Tony by pulling him into a tight hug. "Be nice." She whispered in his ear, so only he could hear. "This was on your list." Then she walked away, not looking back, leaving Tony disappointed that their close contact had ended so quickly.

"Okay Dad. Let me get my stuff." Tony said with a sigh; he had been looking forward to spending the evening with Ziva.

Ten minutes later (after Tony had smartened up), the two of them took a taxi to the hotel. It wasn't a long journey, but it still gave them time to talk.

"So a couple of months ago, Gibbs called me and said you were missing. I didn't think it was that much of a big deal, you were always running off when you were younger. Still, I offered to help out if he needed it. So where were you, junior? Vegas?" As always Senior had no idea what his son's life involved.

"I wish." Tony muttered, too low for his father to hear. Then he spoke up. "I was kidnapped, dad. I didn't just decide to take a spontaneous vacation." He was grateful when they pulled up to the hotel and he could avoid his father's speculative glances. He didn't want to talk about his ordeal, especially with his father.

When they got in, Tony tried to be casual. "I'm gonna take the stairs."

"Don't be ridiculous. It's thirty floors up." Senior looked at him like he was joking.

"That's fine, I need the exercise." Tony said quickly, still trying to act like it was no big deal.

"Have you suddenly turned claustrophobic?" Senior looked confused.

"I'm not claustrophobic – it's just… Never mind." Tony gave in. He hated people knowing how much his ordeal had affected him. He told himself it was fine, it was just an elevator – get over it Dinozzo.

Forcing himself into the elevator was one of the hardest things he had ever had to do. He shut his eyes, trying to avoid the metal walls. But when the doors shut, he flashed back.

_The container door slammed shut noisily, cutting out the brief sunlight that had lit up the area. Omar looked angry, which was never a good sign. Sure enough, he quickly rushed forward and kicked Tony, hard, in the stomach without saying a word to him. It seemed to help him vent his frustration – he kept kicking. Then he pulled Tony up against the wall and punched him repeatedly, all over, focusing mainly on his chest. Tony felt his ribs break under the strain. Blood splattered across the floor. His chest was on fire. Tony couldn't help the low moan that escaped his lips before he gratefully blacked out, Omar still pounding into him. His last thought was that this was going to be agony when he regained consciousness. _

Dinozzo Senior stared at his son, who had shut his eyes tightly as soon as they entered the elevator, as though he was trying to repress something momentous. Now he was holding his chest like he was in pain, and whimpering so quietly that it was difficult to hear, as though he was trying to stay silent but just couldn't. Senior slammed the button for the closest floor and pulled Tony out of the elevator – his son was clearly remembering something painful and it had been triggered by the elevator.

Once Tony was outside in the corridor he had realised where he was and calmed himself down fairly fast. "Sorry." He muttered. "Now please can we just take the stairs?"

"What did you remember?" Dinozzo Senior wasn't sure he wanted to know.

"Just a fun packed day at camp Omar." Tony replied sarcastically.

"What's wrong with elevators?" Senior looked confused again; Tony had said he wasn't claustrophobic.

"They just… remind me." Tony didn't dare elaborate further. "I don't want to talk about it."

"I deserve to know." Senior paused and thought for a second. "If you can't tell me, can I call Gibbs and ask him?"

"Fine." Tony agreed, not wanting to argue. Anyway, he doubted his father would get round to it. The two of them walked up the remaining floors, not mentioning the incident again for the rest of the evening.

When Dinozzo Senior got home, he decided to call Gibbs. He was worried about Tony – he had never seen him so upset before. Plus he was also curious about the three month absence; a lot could happen in three months.

"Gibbs. This is Antony Dinozzo."

"What do you need?" Gibbs sounded wary, as he always did when talking to Senior.

"I went out with Junior this evening." Senior paused, not quite knowing how to explain. "When we were in the elevator he had a flashback or something. It looked pretty serious."

"He's been through a lot." Gibbs said shortly.

"That was why I was calling. I want to know what happened. Junior was very vague when I asked. I could tell he wasn't comfortable talking about it with me. But he didn't express an aversion to me knowing."

"Does he know you're calling me?" Gibbs had his guard up again.

"I asked him if I could ask you, and he seemed fine with it." Dinozzo replied honestly.

"Are you sure you want to know?" Gibbs voice was strange, even pitying,

"He's my son Gibbs, I need to know."

"He was kept in a storage container for three months, chained to the wall. He had very little movement. The only human contact he had was with his captors, who were fairly brutal. He was tortured a fair bit, but I don't know how much. He hasn't opened up about it yet." Gibbs said slowly. "He doesn't like elevators because they remind him of where he was kept while in captivity."

"Oh my God." Senior sounded appalled. That was the reaction most people had.

Gibbs let Senior digest the news.

"Is he seeing a therapist?" Senior finally asked.

"His compulsory therapist – though I'm not sure how helpful their sessions are. He's also been talking to Ziva. She went through a similar experience and long term captivity, so they're dealing with it together." Gibbs paused. "Tony isn't the same person as before. Ziva too, was never the same. An ordeal like this has life altering repercussions." He partly quoted Director Vance, remembering what the man had said after Dinozzo's debrief.

"I understand. Thanks for being so honest with me." For once Senior sounded grateful. He hung up the phone and stared forwards, thinking. He realised he had just developed a grudging respect towards his son – considering what had happened to him, Tony was functioning remarkably well. In fact, if it wasn't for the flashback, he would have thought Tony was completely normal. It seemed that Tony was stronger than he thought; probably stronger than everybody thought.

Gibbs tried to call Tony. He also tried calling Ziva, to see if she was with him. But neither of them would pick up. They were obviously otherwise engaged. But with what? Gibbs hoped they were sleeping, but he deep down he somehow knew it was something else. He would have done a bit of investigating but his own cell rang and the next call distracted him. He had to go to work.

**Sorry about the slight wonder away from things, I just thought it would be nice to see Tony trying to change his relationship with his father for the better after his experience. Next chapter we'll find out where Tony and Ziva are. Please leave a review letting me know what you thought of it :) **


	8. The First Night And The Morning After

The First Night And The Morning After

When Tony got back from the hotel, Ziva was waiting for him. Tony was incredibly relieved to see her. He was also a little surprised – she rarely stayed late and had never stayed over; even though he had offered to let her use his bed or the couch more than once (he was still sleeping on the floor).

"How did it go?" She asked him, taking in his worn expression. "Were you nice?"

"It wasn't bad. Apart from a tiny flashback when he made me take the elevator. That kind of freaked him out. I didn't want to talk about it so he asked if he could call Gibbs and ask him." Tony admitted. "I doubt he will though – he always forgets about stuff like that. To be honest I would rather he didn't know. I don't like people staring at me like I'm going to collapse at any moment. I'm not some victim who needs everyone's pity." He was angry and frustrated, and it showed.

"Oh." Ziva looked concerned. "I am sorry, Tony."

"Don't be." Tony smiled and sat down next to her on the couch, relaxing now he was beside her. "You know, I've ticked off almost everything on my list now."

"You are changing the subject Tony." Ziva rolled her eyes. Then she added playfully. "But I am interested…"

"…On where you are on the list?" Tony completed her sentence in the same playful tone. Then he turned more serious. "You know, your point scares me most."

"I only have one point? That is surprising. Most of the team have several." Ziva was confused.

"It's a big one." Tony explained. He was leaning in towards her a little, and Ziva realised she was subconsciously doing the same thing. They were so close they were almost touching. "When I was in the container, I thought a lot about what I wanted out of life." He added, looking into her eyes. She stared back, matching his gaze.

"And what do you want?" Ziva asked, hardly breathing.

"You." Tony said, so quietly that she barely heard it. Then he leant in and kissed her. It was a soft kiss, gentle and tender. It was also short – he quickly pulled back and looked at her tensely, trying to gauge her reaction. Ziva responded by pulling him closer again; kissing him on the lips passionately and far more roughly. She rolled on top of him and he lay back, letting her control the much longer kiss. When she pulled back, they both stared at each other.

Ziva suddenly realised what they had done. "I should go." She muttered reluctantly, but her heart wasn't in it and she didn't even attempt to move.

"Don't." Tony said shortly, and pulled her in for another kiss. It was desperate – he held her like he didn't ever want to let her go. Like he was afraid of losing her.

"Okay." Ziva agreed quietly. She didn't think she could leave even if she had tried to. Then she pulled his shirt off without bothering to remove the buttons – they clattered against the floor noisily as the thread tore. She barely noticed all the scars as Tony responded by pulling her top off far more gently, kissing her neck as he did so. All Ziva wanted was Tony; she wanted him closer, with her. Tony wanted the same thing. For once he wasn't thinking about anything else; just Ziva. They didn't bother going to the bedroom – they rolled off the couch and onto the floor, tangled together. Always together.

The next morning Ziva awoke lying on Tony on his apartment floor. She ran her fingers across the scars all over his body lightly, trying not to wake him.

"You're tickling me…" Tony yawned and opened his eyes, looking up at Ziva. For a few seconds he wondered if things would be awkward between them. After all, they had known each other for a long time without anything like this happening. Despite the flirting and 'under covers' work. But Ziva was smiling at him.

"I was looking at your scars." Ziva said with a sigh. "You have… a lot."

"You didn't notice last night." Tony pointed out with a cheeky grin.

"I had other things to think about." She whispered in his ear. Then she looked back at a long cut on his arm – it was the freshest mark. "Does it still hurt?"

"Less." Tony whispered.

"How about now?" She kissed it gently.

"Better already." He mumbled. "You always make me better."

In response Ziva bent herself over him and started a long, slow kiss. It seemed like they would never break apart.

"Tap, tap." Someone knocked on Tony's door, twice. Ziva and Tony pulled apart and stared at each other like rabbits caught in headlights. They were both completely naked, lying on top of each other.

"Who is it?" Ziva whispered frantically in Tony's ear. "What should we do?"

"Hide in my closet?" Tony suggested. Ziva laughed softly.

"I will hide in your bedroom Tony. If I am found just say I slept over." Ziva instructed.

"Wait, Ziva. Where are my pants?" Tony hissed at her. She threw them at him from across the room as she went to hide. He quickly pulled them on.

"Tap, tap." The person knocked again. Tony rushed over and pulled the door open. He realised he wasn't wearing a shirt as he did so and cursed silently.

"Junior."

"Dad?" He should have known. His father was always the king of bad timing. "It's really early. What do you need?" Senior ignored him – he was staring down at his son's torso. It was the worst part of Tony's body – completely covered with scars that crisscrossed, marking his ordeal. Even worse, NCIS was carved in small, noticeable letters into his shoulder, making it clear that someone had deliberately made the marks. "Can you stop staring at me, please?" Tony snapped. He hated people looking at him like he was some kind of victim; he didn't want to look vulnerable.

"Sorry." Dinozzo Senior forced his eyes away from the scars and towards Tony's face. "I just came to apologise for being so insensitive yesterday. I can see I've got you at a bad time, so I'll come back later." With that he rushed off, obviously trying to deal with what he had seen. Tony sighed and shut the door.

"You can come out Ziva." She had pulled on one of his shirts and it looked good on her. Everything looked good on her.

"Who was it?" She asked curiously.

"My dad. He wanted to apologise for last night." Tony said with a slight grimace.

"You got rid of him fast." Ziva noted, wondering what he had done.

"He saw the scars and got even more freaked." Tony said by way of explanation.

"He is not used to them." Ziva tried to comfort Tony, who was obviously more upset about it than he was letting on.

"Even I'm not used to them. I don't think I can ever go swimming again." Tony said in mock mournfulness.

Ziva threw the closest hard object at Tony – his cell. "Do not be ridiculous, Tony." She hated it when he shut her out with humour. But he was already distracted by his cell.

"Gibbs called me last night, and earlier this morning." Tony looked up, worried.

"Strange. I did not hear it." Ziva knew her senses were usually good.

"Nor did I. I guess we were otherwise occupied." He replied with a grin, but you could see his concern showing though. Ziva was checking her phone.

"He also called me twice." Ziva now looked worried too – neither of them wanted Gibbs to know about last night.

"What are we going to tell him?" Tony wondered aloud, trying to think.

"Well, why do you think he was calling?" Ziva knew there was no way he could have known they were together, so it must have been about something else. Tony shrugged. "I do not know either. I will call him back." She dialled his number and shushed Tony. She heard the boss pick up. "Gibbs. Sorry I missed your calls, I was asleep and I left my cell on silent." She waited for Gibbs' response – he asked where she was. "I am at Tony's. I just came round so we could go running together." She listened again, far more intently, as Gibbs explained the situation. "Okay. We will be right in."

"What is it?" Tony looked concerned at Ziva's expression – she was obviously stressed over whatever he had said.

"We need to go into work." Ziva said shortly.

"Why? It's a Sunday. He gave us the day off." Tony complained. He wanted to spend more time with Ziva.

"They found one of our suspects." That was explanation enough. Tony knew he was going to have to identify him, and he felt his stomach clench uncomfortably at the thought.

"Then let's go." He put on a smile and started trying to ready himself for the day ahead.

**Sorry if you are not a Tiva fan… The next chapter is going to be Gibbs and Tony anyway. I hope you enjoyed it. Oh and sorry for the late update; I was away. Please be really, really nice and leave a review.**


	9. Breaking Down

Breaking Down

"James Duncan; white supremacist and neo-Nazi. He used to be a member of the KKK before leaving to form his own extremist group – they target African Americans and immigrants. He's been arrested for assault twice, but got off both times. He's slippery – careful and with an expensive lawyer, who he can afford thanks to his large inheritance. If his group got its hands on a bomb it would be bad news – he's the sort of guy who would happily use it." McGee briefed Tony. They were standing in observation, Gibbs and Ziva glaring at the man in interrogation as though trying to hurt him with their minds. "We got him by running the image you came up with against all our databases – this was an okay match, and since he was an extremist we brought him in." McGee continued, looking nervously over at Tony, who was pale and sweaty. Tony didn't say anything.

"You know him, Dinozzo?" Gibbs looked up at Tony, concerned about his agent's silence. Tony was rarely silent; it was a sign something was wrong.

"Sure. He's a real bastard." Tony fought to keep control over himself, but he was starting to lose the battle. "I'm sorry boss. I need a minute." He finally managed to say, before rushing out of the observation room.

McGee looked like he didn't quite know what to do. So he looked at Gibbs. Gibbs always had the answers. Ziva walked towards the door to follow Tony, but Gibbs pulled her back.

"Let me talk to him. I can be gentle." Ziva justified.

"He doesn't need someone to be gentle. He needs to get his head on straight." Gibbs stated, before going out to follow Tony himself. He'd had enough of Tony trying to play tough and refusing to be open with him; he knew Tony had talked to Ziva, but he still did that without letting his guard down completely. Gibbs knew that right now, if anyone else attempted to talk to him, Tony would just change the subject. Tony was hurting, and trying to act like he wasn't.

Out in the corridor, Tony attempted to steady his breathing. It seemed like he was spending a lot of time in corridors trying to stay calm these days. He almost had a grip, when he suddenly thought about the man inside the interrogation room again; a memory engulfed him.

"_Special Agent Dinozzo. I have some questions I hope you can answer." James Duncan spoke softly but threateningly._

"_And I hope that I get a home cinema for Christmas, doesn't mean I get it." Tony sniggered. He couldn't help but be antagonising – after all, the only real alternative was to be cooperative, and he would die before that happened. He might die before that happened. _

_For the last few days Tony had been left completely alone. There hadn't even been any sound of Omar or his friends. This happened a fair amount, and in a way it was worse than the beatings – isolation was difficult to cope with for someone like Tony. But now he was craving the previous quiet after a new man had come to 'chat'. Tony was hanging from the ceiling, suspended by his arms. It was painful for his already bruised wrists. The man, James, pulled out a long piece of wire, and Tony knew what was coming next. In a way he was relieved – he didn't think he could stand another beating. He suppressed a wince as he remembered his broken ribs from one of Omar's rages. They were still healing up. _

_James started to ask questions and Tony shut his eyes, trying to think about something else. His mind settled on Ziva; he often thought of her at the moment. Then he felt the wire cutting into his back, hard. The strike had hurt a surprising amount. Tony made sure he didn't show his pain on his face – he blocked it out with thoughts of Ziva. He heard the man ask him a question, but he tried not to listen and just ignored him completely. James began to get angry about Tony's lack of response, shouting at him to try and make him pay attention. James stopped pausing between hits – soon Tony could feel the wire breaking the skin and blood dripping down his back. But the man didn't stop, he kept on going and Tony couldn't keep the moans of pain in any longer. Eventually James grew tired, but instead of cutting him down he left Tony hanging there, blood running down and pooling onto the floor. _

"_I'll be back in a couple of hours – I gotta break for lunch for a while. Let's see how cooperative you are then." The man sniggered cruelly. _

_The second time was much worse. He'd been hanging by his wrists for hours, and the welts had started to close up, the blood congealing. His whole back was burning and throbbing. The wire buried into the welts, opening them up again, causing almost unbearable pain. Tony started screaming uncontrollably, his whole body arching forwards with every blow. Tony wished he would just pass out, but his pain threshold had got so high that he was forced to stay conscious. Every time he felt like he was fading out, James would stop and throw water in his face. Soon he couldn't even scream, he just hung there, moaning in agony, each strike blending into one mass of pain. When James left him alone again, knowing that there was no point carrying on if Tony could barely talk, Tony finally lost some of his control and started to struggle against his chains desperately. He didn't know how much more he could take…_

"Dinozzo. Snap out of it." Gibbs had his arms around Tony, who had sunk to the floor. Tony failed to school his expression and hide his pain. "Don't keep it all in." Gibbs advised. He could see his senior field agent wasn't comfortable in a public place, so he pulled him back into an empty interrogation room.

"You want to tell me what that was about?"

"It's nothing." Tony said quickly. Then he looked at Gibbs face and conceded. "That man just, well he kind of got to me a bit."

"What did he do?" Gibbs looked angry, but not at Tony.

"I don't want to think about it." Tony said, trying to end the conversation.

"No. You want to talk about it." Gibbs dismissed his agent's evasiveness.

"I guess." Tony supposed it was true, keeping everything inside was exhausting. "It just makes me feel weak, admitting that he…" Tony tailed off, unable to complete his sentence.

"You're not weak, Tony. Not many people can bounce back from this sort of thing. Nobody can come out unscathed." Gibbs sighed. He was talking "We need to know what he did to you, so we can charge him. And you can't just talk about this with me, you're gonna have to go through it again with other people. Maybe even in court."

"I don't know if I can boss." Tony sounded vulnerable.

"You have too. Because I know you want this guy to go down, and for a long time." Gibbs said firmly.

"He hung me from a ceiling and whipped me. Repeatedly." Tony whispered, so low Gibbs could hardly hear it. "He just kept going, and I was screaming. And I couldn't make myself pass out." Tony was shaking, his voice starting to crack. "Oh God." And then Tony broke down and started sobbing; once he started he just couldn't stop. Gibbs sat down and let Tony put his head onto his shoulder and bury his face in his shirt.

"Let it all out Dinozzo…" Gibbs muttered comfortingly. For the first time after the kidnapping, Tony did. He shed the tears he had kept in during his captivity, let out all the damage he had hidden for months. He went through everything that had happened in his mind, like watching one of the movies he loved so much. He remembered James and his cold wire, his first major interrogation session with proper questioning – until then he had only been beaten every couple of days, and thought that had been bad. He remembered the hours of dread waiting for James to return again, feeling his back turn into meaty flesh, the wave of pain from every stroke that cut into it. He remembered Omar laughing when he saw the damage, his medic friend throwing alcohol over the wounds and wrenching Tony back from near sleep with a sudden, lurched, scream. He remembered the first time with electricity and his amazement at how much it hurt every part of him, how much he had pointlessly strained just to try to stop the pain. He remembered the throbbing and searing agony from every cut and burn, every savage kick. He remembered the boredom and loneliness – the hours spent lying uncomfortably on the hard container floor unable to build up the strength to even move. The effort it took just to face his captors every morning with a smile to persuade them that they hadn't got to him; would never break him.

It took a long time for Tony to calm down.

"Sorry boss." Tony looked down and saw through red, bleary eyes that he had soaked Gibbs shirt with his tears. "I look like such a sissy. I never cry."

Gibbs gave him a light head slap, before ruffling his hair affectionately.

"What was that for?" Tony murmured.

"For calling yourself a sissy." Gibbs muttered. "Don't do it again."

"I feel a lot better now." Tony finally answered. It was true. He felt like a great weight had been lifted from around his neck. He had finally begun to accept what had happened to him, instead of just blocking it out.

"You're probably going to have to go through this in front of a jury." Gibbs told him, as he stood up slightly shakily. "Will you be able to handle that?"

"Sure thing boss." Tony pulled himself together and straightened his tie, checking his dishevelled reflection and trying to look presentable.

"Okay. Then let's go. I need coffee."

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please leave a review…**


	10. Rule Twelve

Rule Twelve

After his somewhat embarrassing outburst in front of Gibbs, Tony felt a lot better. Knowing that talking about things could actually help, and didn't make people think less of him, meant that he was more willing to open up with other people; not just Ziva. That was a good thing, because the two of them had other things to discuss now. They were hiding their relationship from everyone, but that didn't mean it wasn't strong. They not only still ran together every morning (which was an excuse for coming into work together), but they also woke up together. Tony had finally got used to sleeping in a bed again, and he loved to lie next to Ziva. It meant he was never alone. And when neither of them could sleep they had plenty to occupy the nights with.

It was a good thing that Tony was coping better, because he had a court date coming up. The people who they had arrested at the scene had all cut deals, aware of the overwhelming evidence against them, in exchange for information about their operation. But James Duncan was pleading innocent – he wasn't part of Omar's group, he was a client. Moreover the bomb he had bought had been found at the house of another member of James' white supremacy group, so they couldn't tie him to that. The only thing linking him to the operation was Tony. So he was going to have to testify. The man was well off and had hired a particularly vicious lawyer, so Tony knew he was probably going to be cross-examined roughly.

One morning Tony found himself being shaken awake by Ziva. He stretched out and yawned.

"We are going to work." Ziva stated, not even waiting for him to sit up. Tony glanced at the clock on the bedside table, wincing.

"It's four in the morning…" He pointed out. But if he had expected that to deter Ziva he was wrong.

"Which means few people will be there. Even Gibbs will be at home." Ziva explained, looking at him somewhat impatiently.

"Which is relevant why?" Tony asked, curious.

"I have something in mind." Ziva didn't elaborate any further.

Ziva drove the two of them to work, making Tony glad that he'd had a small breakfast. Ziva had been right – the Navy yard was virtually deserted. Tony headed towards the stairs, but Ziva stopped him.

"Today we will take the elevator." She said firmly, as though it was the easiest thing in the world.

"I can't Ziva. I just can't." Tony tried to dissuade her. But she ignored him and he found himself being led over to the elevator.

_The container stank of his own urine mixed with the coppery tang of blood, but Tony barely noticed the stench any more. He wondered how long he had been here. Days? Weeks? Months? He had tried counting the days but it depressed him; he had been gone so long. Would he ever be found?_

"Yes you can Tony." Her voice, answering his feeble protests, cut into his memory, yanking him back into the real world. Ziva took his hand and gently pulled him inside.

_He could hear someone approaching and groaned quietly. People meant pain. People meant effort. But he couldn't give up just yet. Put on a smile Dinozzo, it's just another day. You can get through this. _

"Do not shut your eyes. You are not back in the storage container; you are in an elevator." Ziva refused to let Tony sink back into the past, She pushed the stop switch and took Tony's hand. He was shaking gently.

_Omar was alone this time, his face unreadable. But at least he didn't seem angry,_

"_Here for a little stress relief?" Tony tried to keep his voice light but mocking. "Cause you know me, always here and ready to help." Omar ignored Tony's attempt at interaction. He would sometimes talk to Tony, who tried to drag out their conversations for as long as possible, but today he was not in the mood. Tony realised this and attempted to brace himself for whatever was about to come. _

"Tony. Look at me." His eyes met hers, and his gaze focused a little. "You were alone in the container. But here you are with me. There is no reason to be afraid." She spoke gently but firmly.

"I know. It's not a rational fear." Tony sounded pained. "Okay, what's the rest of your plan? Cause I was hoping it was a little more than this."

_Omar was pressing his foot against Tony's throat. He couldn't breathe, black spots swum in front of his vision. He supposed he ought to struggle, but he didn't have the energy. And what was the point – he was chained up and trapped, with no way to run. So was this it? Was this how he was going to die? Everything was fading out…_

"I'm going to change the association you have between the elevator and the container, by giving you a positive memory that will override your negative initial response." Ziva whispered. The internet was a wonderful thing.

"That sounds like a mouthful." Tony seemed a little confused.

_He awoke alone, shocked that he was still alive. His throat burnt as though he'd drunk acid. He wondered if he should be disappointed – death was so easy compared to holding on. Holding on was taking more and more effort each second. But then he thought of Ziva, and all the promises he'd made himself, and realised something; he wanted to live. He needed to live._

"I'm going to have sex with you in the elevator." Ziva clarified, before moving in and kissing him passionately. Instantly, Tony relaxed. The memories of the container were overwhelmed by his feelings for Ziva.

When they were finished, Tony found that no flashbacks were threatening. He realised with a smile that Ziva had been right, as always. Looking at the elevator now reminded him of her, not the container. He looked across at her, and in that second decided he was ready. Ready to take the next step.

"I love you Ziva David." He said it seriously, looking deeply into her eyes.

"I love you too, Tony." Ziva breathed. Then she bent in and kissed him again.

"If we want this to work, we need to tell Gibbs." Tony said with a sigh.

"You should tell him." Ziva suggested.

"He's going to be pissed." Tony could picture a large number of Gibbs' reactions, and none of them were good. Rule twelve was something the boss took very seriously.

"Exactly why you should tell him." Ziva said lightly, with a small smile. "What time is it?" Tony checked his watch.

"Nearly six. Everyone will be wondering why the elevator is out of commission." The two of them laughed, sharing the quiet moment. The calm before the storm.

After checking their appearances carefully, they rode into the bullpen, glad that very few people were there. Gibbs, naturally, was one of them. Tony wondered why the boss was in so early. Maybe he was every day, or it could just be pure coincidence. Gibbs looked up at the two of them. If he was puzzled at their early appearance, he didn't express it. Tony walked over to Gibbs desk as slowly as possible, trying to delay the dreaded conversation for as long as possible.

"Boss, I need to talk to you."

"Talk away." Gibbs looked up at him pointedly, waiting.

"It kind of needs to be in private." Tony muttered. Gibbs glanced around at the squad room, which was empty apart from the three of them. "More private." Tony detailed. He nodded towards the elevator. Gibbs looked confused; he knew Tony had hated them ever since his rescue.

"I got over it." Tony answered Gibbs' unsaid question while glancing over at Ziva, who smiled slyly at him. Gibbs nodded and the two of them walked into the elevator. Gibbs flicked the emergency switch and waited for Tony to talk.

"It's about rule twelve." Tony finally said.

"I kinda figured." Gibbs revealed.

"What? How?" Tony was stunned.

"You spend more time with Ziva than the rest of us put together. Hell, I actively encouraged it." Gibbs divulged.

"You did?" Tony stuttered – he was so baffled he could hardly string sentences together.

"I thought that Ziva could help you cope if you talked things through with her. She knows more than most." Gibbs rationalised.

"I thought a lot about her when I was away." Tony confessed.

"I guessed that too. You have that smile when you look at her." Gibbs murmured.

"So you're not mad?" This admission baffled Tony even more.

"I'm fuming Dinozzo. But only because you didn't come and talk to me sooner. You and Ziva have been spending your nights together for weeks. You didn't think I'd notice?" Gibbs raised his voice slightly for the first time.

"Sorry boss. But you're really strict on the rules." Tony looked abashed.

"Dinozzo. I was _relieved_. I don't think you would have got through this without Ziva." Gibbs admitted.

"But the rules-" Tony started, but Gibbs cut in.

"Have exceptions. And this is one of them. We'll figure something out."

"Thanks boss." Tony could hardly believe the conversation had gone this way. He had been expecting lots and lots of yelling. He could hardly complain when Gibbs whacked him round the head. "I deserved that."

"Damn straight. Thinking I wouldn't notice you two and all the extra flirting. What sort of an idiot do you take me for? Tell Ziva that I don't want your relationship brought up at work and if you two are having 'domestic problems' you cannot bring them in to NCIS." Gibbs had said more in the past five minutes than Tony – something that was even more unexpected than his reaction to the rule breach.

"Got it boss."

Gibbs flicked the switch and the elevator started moving. "And Dinozzo, no more sex in the elevator."

Tony coughed and felt his face flush.

**Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed so far. Please, please keep reviewing to let me know how this is going. Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter.**


	11. Testimony

Testimony

"How long did it last for?" The Prosecuting Attorney's voice rang through the courtroom.

"I honestly don't know. I was left for quite a long time between 'sessions', although just hanging there was also pretty painful; bruised wrists and all that. I think it was a day rental thing – you know, like he paid for one day. He gave up eventually." Tony tried to keep his voice neutral.

"What do you mean by that?" The Prosecution Attorney asked tactlessly.

Tony sighed, and wondered how he should answer the question. He had spoken for about an hour already, detailing his experiences with James Duncan carefully. Reliving things had been difficult to say the least, especially in front of a group of strangers and the man himself. He hadn't wanted to make his descriptions graphic, but the prosecution kept pressing him until he revealed more and more. They had also shown pictures of the scars on his back, ugly despite how far they had faded at the time of the photograph. So all in all, Tony wasn't in the best of moods.

"Agent Dinozzo, what did you mean by 'he gave up eventually'?" There was the pressing again. He really, really didn't want to reply, but he forced himself too. After all, this wasn't the toughest thing he'd had to face recently.

"I stopped... making noise." Tony admitted reluctantly. "I actually started hallucinating. By that time I had lost quite a lot of blood, and I'd been hanging there for ages."

"What did you see during your hallucinations?" The prosecution would just not let up. Tony knew the lawyer was trying to get the jury and judge to feel sorry for him, and he hated the feeling. People were determined to label him as a victim.

"That's private. I'd rather not answer." Tony thought he sounded slightly sulky, but that may have just been his imagination. The Prosecution Attorney gave him a frustrated look – he'd briefed Tony on the importance of answering all his questions honestly. But Tony wasn't willing to share what he'd seen; Kate coming to rescue him, with a bloody hole in the top of her head. She had been unbelievably realistic apart from the tiny hitch that she was dead – Tony might have believed it was real if it wasn't for that. It had been an interesting form of relief though. His old, missed partner still protecting him long after her demise.

"How long did it take you to recover?" The prosecution went back to their insensitive questioning.

"I didn't really have a good grasp of time. It's not like I had a calendar. Besides, after Omar's medic friend had checked that I wasn't going to die, and bandaged me up for a while, they kept reopening the wounds on my back." Tony winced slightly at the memory.

"Did James Duncan, at any time, attempt to help you escape from your situation?"

"No. He had plenty of time to alert the relevant authorities. He was actually the first guy who interrogated me, excluding Omar – so he could have stopped a hell of a lot worse than what he did from happening." Tony said bitterly.

Soon the prosecution finished, and the defence stepped up. James Duncan's lawyer was dangerous; Tony had known it as soon as he seen her. She had the confidence of someone who knew they had the situation fully under control. So when she started to ask questions Tony was on guard.

"Was it dark in the container?" The Defense Attorney spoke in a kind and unintimidating voice, but Tony knew the tone was deceptive. She was already plotting a way to seed doubt in the minds of the jury, to persuade them that he was wrong. Tony briefly wondered whether it would be better if James got off, so he could take him down himself. But he quickly dismissed the thought – he wanted the guy to suffer in jail for a long, long time. So he braced himself, and answered the question.

"Dimly lit, not dark." Tony could already see where the lawyer was going with this.

"But there were no windows." The lawyer carried on, still in the same kind, friendly tone.

"There was a grill which let some light in." Tony pointed out.

"But it was still, and I quote 'dimly lit'" She spoke with an overly patient voice, as though he were a small child who was lying about stealing sweets. He knew he was saying exactly what she expected to hear.

"Yes. But I could easily make him out." Tony said truthfully.

"Even in the dark? Are you sure? Could you have mistaken my client for someone who looks similar?" The lawyer had dropped the friendly voice now she had smelt blood. Tony reminded himself that she was just doing her job, but he still couldn't help but be irritated. He hated lawyers, and this was why.

"No. I could never forget his face. I looked into his eyes for some of it, to try to put him off." Tony kept his voice strong. "I made sure that I remembered his face. I committed all of their faces to memory."

"You killed Omar, didn't you?" She appeared to change tack.

"You know I did." Tony was beginning to get frustrated.

"So it is fair to say that you were angry at your captors?"

"You should get tortured for three months and see if you feel angry." Tony snapped, irritated. He calmed himself down – getting emotional was not a good idea, and was probably what she was aiming for.

"Can you give us a clearer answer please, Agent Dinozzo?" She asked patiently.

"Yes, I was angry. But that wasn't why I killed him. He was going to kill my partner. I am perfectly capable of separating my actions and emotions. Anyway, I would have preferred it if he stood trial." Tony gestured towards the courtroom. It wasn't really a lie; killing Omar had been surprisingly unsatisfying.

"But you are angry, by your own admission. You see, here's what I think happened. It was dark, you couldn't make out your attacker's face. So when your team brought my client in, you identified him as your torturer without knowing for sure that you had the right man. My client unfortunately looked roughly the same, and has been unfairly imprisoned on no evidence – because you couldn't cope with nobody being accountable for your ordeal."

"That's not true. I am completely sure that this is the man who tortured me. I was with him for a long time before he gave up and went home. And if he thinks pleading innocent and buying an expensive lawyer is going to get him out of prison, he's wrong." Tony said, face blank. "The container may have been dimly lit but the first time he left while I was still conscious. When he opened the container door I got a long hard look at him in the sunlight. He should have knocked me out before he went to have lunch, or at least worn a mask." For the first time he looked at James Duncan himself. He smirked at the man, who was sitting next to his lawyer, and decided to do what he did best. Antagonise. The guy had a smart lawyer, but James himself was impulsive, short tempered and unintelligent. So all he had to do was irritate him enough to get him to say something incriminating. It was just like he was back in interrogation, trying to get a suspect to confess. Tony went for the insulting angle (James looked like he was a pretty proud and arrogant guy). "I guess he was kind of stupid. And damn uncreative – when his tactics weren't working he didn't bother to try to think of any new ones. He didn't even touch my broken ribs. Or go for anything psychological. Plus I was in so much pain I wasn't even coherent. I mean, anyone who can't get answers that aren't movie references or moans from a guy after hours of torture is clearly not the sharpest pencil in the box."

"I would have got answers." James yelled, so angry that he had given up his 'innocent' charade. Wow, that had been easy – the guy clearly wasn't particularly bright. James Duncan's lawyer stared at him. James realised with horror that he had let his short temper get the better of him, and that he was going down for this. There was a long silence in the court room. Tony smiled smugly – this was almost, although probably not quite as good, as punching the guy in the face. Meanwhile, James had gotten even angrier due to his unplanned admission – he started yelling at Tony across the courtroom. "You didn't know anything, or I would have got it out of you. You may act tough now, but I remember when you were just a whimpering mess. Omar lied about how much you knew so I would pay him!"

"Is that why you gave up? Low on funds? Or were you just tired?" Tony mocked. "You know, I'm going to have the scars you gave me for a long time, but they'll just remind me that you're rotting in jail."

"I will give you more than scars." James shouted, his face red with fury.

"Is that a threat? Because I don't think that there is anymore any of you people can do to me." Tony said with a humourless laugh.

"I can take your life." James sneered.

"You already took it, you sick bastard. I'm lucky I managed to take any of it back." Tony said coldly.

**Sorry if the court room stuff wasn't very accurate, I don't really know much about the American Legal System. I hope you liked this chapter anyway… It would be really good if you could leave a review letting me know what you thought :)**


	12. Unwanted Visitor

Unwanted Visitor

A couple of days after the court case, Tony had the neighbours round for dinner. Gibbs had sent Tony home early, telling him to do something to unwind. For some reason Tony just couldn't shake the odd feeling that something was wrong, but he was now so used to feeling tense that he hardly noticed it. Since the rest of the team were still at work, Tony invited Katie's family over; they often had him over, and he didn't want to be alone in his apartment at the moment. He had been a little worried about Katie's reaction to being back in his apartment, but she seemed okay with it. He guessed she had learnt to cope even better than him – he didn't think he would ever be able to visit the docks again.

The family's presence, as usual, relaxed Tony. The four of them were chatting about ordinary, non-work related topics. So Tony was a little dismayed when his cell rang – if work was calling, it was unlikely to be good news.

Back at work, the atmosphere had not been good. The team were just about to return to ordinary cases, but everyone had the same tense feeling as Tony. Gibbs had wondered if James, who had a lot of resources at his disposal (unlike the rest of Tony's captors), would hold true to his threat against Tony's life. After all he had been imprisoned for the rest of his life, which was a big motivator for revenge. Now, with Tony gone, McGee had just flagged up that someone had visited James in jail. Gibbs was worried; he wished he hadn't let Tony go home alone, but he hadn't expected James to do anything so quickly.

"Ziva. Call Tony now. Tell him we're on our way." Gibbs ordered, before all of them quickly piled into the elevator.

"Ziva? What's up?" Tony was surprised she was calling; she had known he was having dinner with the neighbours.

"It is possible that there is an assassin on his way to kill you." Ziva didn't beat around the bush.

"What?" Tony sounded confused.

"James had a meeting with someone in prison. It looked like one of the people you described as one of Omar's clients. Since you ruined his trial we figured he was after you." Ziva explained. "You think it is a good theory?"

"I know it is." Tony sighed. "Someone is holding a gun to the back of my head."

"Shit." Ziva swore in English, which was unlike her.

"I love you Ziva David." Tony said, and then the phone line was cut off.

Tony shut his eyes and tried to think. He couldn't believe that someone had got into his apartment again. He really needed better security. The man must have been waiting for him when he had got home, hiding somewhere. Tony wondered how he hadn't noticed. He smiled slightly, realising everything had come in a complete loop. Even Katie was here the second time. That sobered him up. He glanced over at the frightened family, wondering if they would be alright.

"Okay. Who the hell are you and what do you want?" Tony finally decided the guy wasn't just going to shoot him, so he might as well engage in conversation.

"I think you know who I am, Dinozzo." The man stepped round so Tony could see his face, still holding the gun towards his head. In that moment, everything faded slightly and Tony was back in the container. The man was one of Omar's 'friends'; one of the many that they had not yet caught. One of the many who haunted his nightmares.

"You." Tony paled slightly but it was unnoticeable beneath his steely expression. "You can't get out of this. Even if you shoot us all, my team is on the way. You're going down."

"I know. You put me on every watch list and I don't have the resources to get out of the country. But this is a good option – I take you with me and go out in a blaze of glory. Plus James Duncan wired me a couple of hundred thousand dollars to do this; for my family. But I would have done it for free – I want you to know, Dinozzo, that you did not win." The man sneered, caught up in bitterness.

"Basically, you want to gloat." Tony summarised, irritated. "Very mature."

"You weren't so cocky when you were tied to a chair." The man snapped.

"Who is?" Tony looked at him like he was an idiot.

"Since I don't have enough time to make this slow, I thought I would remind you of that time." The man continued, ignoring Tony's interruption. He pulled out a DVD from his pocket. "You are lucky I filmed our session."

"What is with you guys and being so creepy? Although I have to admit it is kind of flattering." Tony tried to keep chatting. His team would be here soon, he just had to hold out until back up arrived.

"You want to watch it, Dinozzo?" The man asked, although Tony knew he wasn't really interested in the answer.

"Not particularly. Despite being partial to a good movie it's not really the time." Tony said lightly, trying, once again, to reassure Katie.

"I think we should all watch it. Let you remember before you die." The man sneered. Keeping the gun on Tony, he ordered Katie to shove it in to the DVD player. She did as instructed, shaking in fear.

The film was grainy and from a strange angle. No wonder he hadn't realised they had been filming at the time. Tony took in his grimy, younger self. The Tony on screen was soaked in icy water – he looked bad; with his shirt off you could still see the fresh bruising and cuts. You could also make out part of his back, which was still a wreck from James.

"_This is reminding me of that scene in 'Slumdog Millionaire'. An excellent movie; beautifully shot. Directed by Danny Boyle. Have you seen it?"_ Tony realised how strong his voice sounded, and smiled slightly, despite the situation. He had wondered what impression he had given.

"_I guess not. You could rent it."_ Tony smiled more at his snarky tone.

"_What was the action plan for a bomb threat on the USS Reagan?"_ The man currently pointing a gun at him spoke on the film, and Tony suddenly realised how distracted the guy was. He was caught up in the past, assuming Tony would be too. But Tony wasn't. Not anymore.

"_That was a long time ago. My memory's not great…"_ Tony barely flinched as his younger self writhed and screamed.

"Does this remind you, Dinozzo, of why you should be afraid?" The man was even more distracted by Tony's screaming on the video. And then Tony realised he wasn't afraid. He wasn't alone any more. He was never alone.

Tony took a chance. He dived at the man, shoving the gun away and punching him in the face. He felt the man's nose break beneath his fist.

"This should teach you…" Tony punched the dazed and bloody man beneath him between his words. "To avoid torturing… federal agents… with attitude problems."

"That's enough Tony." Gibbs had burst through the front door with Ziva and McGee, gun out. He took in the film playing, the frightened family and the seriously pissed off Dinozzo.

"I said that's enough…" Gibbs had to fight to pull Tony off the nearly unconscious man. Tony was breathing hard, blood all over his fists and shirt. Ziva went over and turned off the film, McGee checked that the family was okay.

"You hurt?" Gibbs asked, looking towards the blood on his shirt.

"No." Tony shook himself out of his blind fury.

"Anyone else." Gibbs nodded towards Katie's family, who looked shaken but unhurt.

"Just him." Tony said lightly. He felt slightly dizzy.

"McGee is calling an ambulance." Ziva hurried over. She looked at Tony, obviously upset about the close shave.

"I'm okay Ziva. But I'm starting to think that my knack for irritating people is more of a curse than a blessing." Tony answered her silent questions.

"It's a little of both." Ziva reflected, angrily thumping him hard on the arm. Then she stepped forwards and kissed him, full on, in front of everyone. "I thought I was going to lose you for a minute." She whispered quietly.

"Hell, Dinozzo. What did I tell you about work and rule twelve?" Gibbs brought up, glaring at both of them.

"We're not at work, boss." Tony pointed out, before leaning in and kissed Ziva again, hugging her tightly at the same time.

**Hope you liked it. Please leave a quick review :)**


	13. Epilogue

Epilogue 

A few weeks later, Tony had started to put things behind him. He knew Ziva was right, the events that had brought them together would never truly disappear, but like the scars that still remained they would fade from his life. Ziva was a huge part of his improvement – when Tony was close to her he never thought of darker things. There was still some anger that remained towards his captors – he had never really had any closure. He supposed killing Omar had been helpful, and getting James to implicate himself in court had also been a high point. Punching the man who had broken in to his apartment had also been oddly therapeutic. But he knew he would never again see a majority of his captors. Some of them had left the county, and the FBI were handling the rest. But maybe that was a good thing; he couldn't hold on to his bitterness forever.

In some ways, Tony was happier. He had lost his life for three months, but when he had regained it he had been able to see how to make it better. Three months was a long time to plan improvements. He knew he had a healthier work-life balance; he had friends outside of work now, who could help him unwind. He had finally started to work on his relationship with his father. He was a better person.

Ziva was the biggest change. He simply couldn't imagine life before he had her. He loved her; more than he had ever loved anyone else. She was perfect at getting him to cope whenever things got difficult; but to be honest, those times were now rare. She had also stopped him from drinking – preventing the potential alcoholism problem before it had even started. But the way she cared for him was not why he loved Ziva. He just loved being with her, and she loved being with him.

Tony was not only coping, he was thriving.

**Thank you so much to everyone who read this story, I hope you liked it! I'm kind of sad it's finished, but happy at the same time. If you got the whole way through, please leave a quick review saying what you think. Thanks :D**


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